As mom and dad separate, children may be cutoff from the extended family members who have loved and cared for them. The best way to stay involved with your grandchildren is to have everyone see you as a "solution" and not as a "problem." Avoid presenting yourself as a "problem" by hiding your feelings and staying out of the conflict, especially in front of the children. It is also important for you to encourage your child to make decisions in the best interest of the children.

Many states have laws that provide reasonable visitation rights for both maternal and paternal grandparents. However, rather than going to court consider some alternatives first:

1. Try to communicate with the custodial parent. Determine what the issues are. If the custodial parent thinks you will try to turn the children against him/her, do everything possible to assure them that this will not happen.
2. Offer to let the custodial parent set all the ground rules. If this is satisfactory, and you do get to see your grandchildren, follow those established ground rules to the best of your ability.
3. Ask the custodial parent to agree to professional, third party mediation. This is an excellent way to find resolution to the conflict outside the courtroom.
4. If the custodial parent will not agree to any of the above, ask for permission to write, call, and/or send gifts to the children.

Source: www.cyberparent.com/gran/visitationrights1.htm

Missouri statutes 452.402 and 452.403 address the rights of grandparents to visitation. There is a presumption that the parents of the grandchild, legally married and living together with the grandchild, know what is the best interest of their child. The Court may, however, grant reasonable visitation rights with a grandchild when their child who is a parent of the grandchild child is deceased, when the parents of the grandchild have filed for dissolution of their marriage, or the grandchild has resided in the home of the grandparents for a least six months within the past 24 month period, and a grandparent is unreasonably denied visitation with the grandchild for a period exceeding 90 days. Visitation may only be ordered when the court finds it is in the best interests of the child. The rights of grandparent access terminate upon the adoption of the grandchild. An order for grandparent access may be pursued in several ways. It is best to consult a lawyer about the circumstances.

Suggested Reading List for Grandparents

Grandloving: Making Memories with your Grandchildren by Sue Johnson (2006) This book lays out a game plan to help grandparents grow closer to their grandchildren by offering specific tips for bonding with children, from babies to teens. Book contains more than 200 easy, low-cost, do-together and long-distance activities. Also provides ideas for handling visits, holidays, and family traditions. This book is available at the Mid-Continent Public Library

Helping Your Grandchildren Through Their Parents' Divorce by Joan Schrager Cohen (1994) The role of grandparents can be especially important in families caught in the anguish of divorce. This guide offers practical advice for grandparents trying to help their grandchildren survive their parents’ breakup.

The Essential Grandparent’s Guide to Divorce: Making a Difference in the Family by Lillian Carson (1999) This book details practical down-to-earth advice and tips on how to maintain your support for your grandchildren, as well as your grown children. www.essentialgrandparent.com

The Grandparent Guide: The Definitive Guide to Coping with the Challenges of Modern Grandparenting by Aurthur Kornhaber (2002) This book covers a wide range of topics including baby-sitting, bonding, mentoring, appropriate gift giving, interracial families, religious differences, long-distance parenting, same-sex parenting, adoption, even legal issues such as divorce, estate planning, and visitations. This book is available at the Mid-Continent Public Library

When Your Child’s Marriage Ends (Difficult Times series) by Mildred Tengbo (2002) When a child faces something as devastating as a divorce, it can be hard for everyone involved. The emotional, spiritual, social, and financial effects of the end of a marriage ripple throughout an extended family and can weigh heavy on a parent's heart. With sound spiritual guidance and emotional advice, this volume helps the reader heal and rebuild, offering insight into handling a divorce when it affects one of your children, grandchildren, and yourself.

On-Line Resources for Grandparents

Grandparenting From a Distance

The Grandparents Rights Organization
Offers information to educate and support grandparents and grandchildren on their rights to maintain a relationship.

Helpguide
Answers questions and offers resources for all types of grandparents (e.g., step-grandparents, full-time grandparents, long-distance grandparents).

Grandparenting Today
Links with you with other grandparenting web sites.