Domestic violence creates a culture of fear and intimidation that can affect every family member. Research indicates there is significant overlap between domestic violence and child abuse. However, children can be affected just by witnessing domestic violence in their home. Children who witness violence can suffer a range of physical and/or emotional harms, even if they themselves have never been physically abused.

Witnessing violence in the home can disrupt a child's normal relationship to his or her parents. Children can be confused and frustrated by the abuser's behavior. They can feel powerless and angry at not being able to stop the abuse, and they are often filled with fear. They also can develop a distorted concept of power and control. They may feel that they have the power to control the batterer's behaviors and they often blame themselves or see themselves as the reason the batterer became angry. Conversely, they can think that other people control how they behave. This can be evidenced by comments such as "She made me hit her."

Parents often think their children do not know that the violence is occurring. But children are almost always aware of abusive behavior that is happening in the home. They notice the tension in their home - that "walking on eggshells" feeling. Children often try to "fix" the problem in order to avoid the next blow-up. If there is more than one child in the house, children may talk about the abuse amongst themselves.

Children are often the ones who call 911 when violence happens, either with or without their parents' approval. Children also see the aftermath of violence in their homes - broken furniture and windows, injuries and emotional disturbances in themselves and their parents. Children can also become involved when they are used as a physical or emotional tool by the perpetrator of abuse.

Physical Problems

In infants, physical problems may include low birth weights and digestive problems. As children age, physical effects of witnessing domestic violence may include bedwetting, stomachaches, ulcers, headaches, insomnia, nightmares, eating disturbances, and for older children, severe acne. Often the physical problems are indicators of more serious emotional problems.

Emotional Problems

Children who have witnessed domestic violence may have problems including:

• Depression
• Hypersensitivity
• Hypervigilence (i.e., the inability to turn off mental activity for any length of time; often misdiagnosed as Attention Deficit Disorder)
• Low self-esteem
• Repressed or overt anger and resentment
• Extreme guilt, self-blame, shame
• Developmental regression
• Impaired ability to form typical social relationships with peers, teachers and other adults
• Suicidal thoughts or suicidal plans

Behavioral Problems

When children do not have the skills to verbalize exactly what is wrong, they end up using other means to convey that they are hurting or upset and develop behavioral problems such as:

• Aggressive, anti-social behavior toward peers and adults
• Fear or anxiety about separation, especially from the abused parent
• Withdrawal from social contact and inability to form typical peer relationships
• Learning and attention problems at school
• Choosing inappropriate peers or friends
• Violent behavior aimed at peers, younger siblings or animals

Children who are exposed to domestic violence over a period of time often develop warped attitudes about violence. They may identify with the abuser and learn that it is acceptable to use violence as a means of "conflict resolution" and think that violence enhances self-image. On the flip side, those who identify with the survivor may learn that violent behavior directed at them is acceptable.

Adapted from: Through Their Eyes: Domestic Violence and Its Impact on Children. For a full copy of the handbook, click here.